Raising a Girl With Pride

A week ago, we went to visit my grandparents. My husband wanted to help them to get two new sofa's delivered at home. My granny was very nervous, because the woman who sold them the sofa's is extremely wealthy, and she was afraid to be frowned upon.

Everything went fine. The sofa's got delivered and the woman came in to have some tea. We were all sitting and chatting while my husband gave my little girl the brand new tea set that he bought while he was waiting for the sofa's in town (extra entertainment is always welcome during a weekend trip and a tea set provides ours of peace for us).

The woman started playing with her, pouring real tea in the cups and then, all of a sudden, she dropped the bomb. She mentioned that it was so strange for her to see how our little girl is playing with the tea set because they raised their granddaughters to be tomboys. They only got to play with cars and quad bikes. My brow raised instantly and it got me thinking.

I am all for the idea that you shouldn't be guilty of stereotyping when you are raising a child, but if you raise a little girl only to be like a boy, what message are you sending out? I don't see what is so good about learning your little girl that it is not good enough to be a woman. I want her to be proud of who she is. I believe in balance. I allow her to play with all types of toys, whether it's a doll; a tea set; a car or even farm animals or action figures. Anything that allows for creativity to flow is fine with me.

There is no excuse for making your little girl feel that a woman is inferior. We are amazing, complicated creatures who can do anything and if we choose to do "woman stuff" it is still ok. After all, we can do special things that men can't do, like bearing a child.

This brings me to the question: Is the world putting too much pressure on women? A few decades ago, women was getting married as teenagers and education was bleak. Today, the average woman gets married much later and they received education that rivals those of men.Believe me, I am all for women being able to work and vote and all that jazz, but how does this change things? Everything should be better now, but society advanced in certain areas and got stuck in other. A big plus for female independence, but what about the effect on society? How did society adapt to the change in female lifestyle?

Look at the massive amount of young single mothers with no means to look after their kids. Women used to be taught that they should wait until they got married before having sex and it was easy to do this, because they got married as soon as they were sexually developed. Nowadays, women go to study and start a career before thinking of marriage and children and they learn that it is okay for women to be just as sexually active as men, but yet, society still frown upon mothers with kids out of wedlock.

Furthermore, women fulfill all this new roles and what does society do to help them? The female workload have doubled. They still juggle homework and kids with their jobs. If this isn't hard enough, they have to deal with more kid trouble due to a lack of supervision. How many men are really equally involved in the domestic aspects in a relationship? Hats off to those who are, but they are truly a rare breed.

After the birth of my daughter, my entire perspective has changed. I realized that I will not be able to do it all and excel in everything, hence I made the choice to stay at home.This isn't what I saw myself doing before I got pregnant, since I'v also got a degree behind my name, but I decided to follow my heart and do what is best for my daughter.

Don't get me wrong: I don't have a problem with women in careers. I think you must be super beings. Respect to you all. It just seem like, the more modernized things get, the more our lives get complicated. I'm most definitely not trying to talk for everyone, but to me it feels like it is expected of women to ignore their natural instincts and try to be like men and this is not what I want to teach my daughter.I want her to grow up being truly liberated. She can be who ever she wants to be, but most of all, I want her to know that it is okay to be different. I am not planning to label her or push her into any mould. What I do expect of her is to be happy and proud to be a woman.

Stumbling Blocks

One day, just over a year ago, I was washing the dishes when I heard something new and looked up, To my great surprise and excitement, I saw my baby girl crawling towards me! I was so proud and relieved, because now she can get where she wants to be by herself, right? I was dead wrong. The more mobility she gained, the more I   had to run around and rescue everything from her curious hands. Yes, ever since my little girl started to move, my house has turned into a crazy place!

Lately, she has been extra clumsy on her feet, though. I started noticing it this weekend when we went to visit some family. She would run and then just, suddenly and for no reason, end up falling and crying and crying. I don't know why this is happening to her, but I suspect that maybe it is because of a growth spurt, because she is really growing fast these days.

Last night we were playing a bit while waiting for dinner. She was super cute, dancing and joking around and then, out of no where, she stumbled down again. I could see that this time it was exceptionally painful and rushed to her rescue. After the crying stopped and she appeared to be calmed down a bit, I tried to put her down for a while, because dinner needed some attendance, but she simply wouldn't let go of me. With her little legs around my waist and her arms around my neck, she started clinging onto me like a scared little monkey.

So it finally started to dawn on me: she is afraid to try walking again. She's scared of falling. I felt so sorry for her and decided to be patient and keep her on my hip for a while. In the back of my head I was panicking. What if this is more permanent? What if she doesn't want to walk again AT ALL? I started brainstorming ideas to get her confidence back up, but nothing seemed to be working. So I have decided to give it a rest and started to dish up dinner (still with her on my hip). Luckily there is nothing like dinner to get her to forget about her fears and by the end of it, she was running around once more.

This made me think: Isn't this something that happens to all of us on a daily basis (figuratively speaking)? Who doesn't fall down in other, different ways? Sometimes it can be really scary to get back up. So I have got a feeling that my daughter has learned more from her painful experience than the mere fact that she can't quit walking. I think this was a lesson for her to be brave and never give up.

The Real Me

So, I finally did it: I took the time to sit down and write my own blog and this is the posting where I will take the time to tell everyone exactly who I am. About one year and nine months ago, with the birth of my daughter, my true identity has turned out to be quite blurry. At first, everyone (me included) blamed this change in my personality on the absolute non-existence of my beauty sleep, but as I gradually caught up with some of the lost sleep, it became crystal clear that this is a more permanent change brought on by motherhood.  

I used to be the quiet one, the one who would let people walk all over her and when I disagreed with things being said, I would simply keep my opinions to myself. Suddenly, much to the surprise of my friends and family, all of this have changed ever since the moment that my little girl took her first breath. I am the lioness and I call her my "welpie" (Afrikaans word for "cub", my first language). I will protect her with the same strength that this queen mammal from our African continent protects her cub and I will prepare her to be independent in this world to the best of my abilities.

It doesn't matter what other people say and how much they try to dictate to me on how I should be raising my child, I will do things my way. Every decision I make concerning her, is a well calculated one. I didn't have any experience with babies when my daughter was born. Sometimes I joke and say that the internet is raising my child. I am like a sponge. I absorb all the information I can get my hands on and then decide on the route that I feel most comfortable with.

This is exactly how I believe it should be. Mothers should have the freedom to choose how they want to raise their babies. It doesn't matter what other people think, no mother should be forced to follow any advise when she doesn't feel comfortable with it. No matter what anyone says, I believe that a mother always knows best, as long as she follows her heart and her own instincts. After all, no one will ever love your baby as much as you do.

Be yourself, be fabulous and dare to go upstream.