About Me

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I am a dedicated wife and mother who never just do as I am told. I prefer to make up my own mind.Not afraid to go upstream.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Stumbling Blocks

One day, just over a year ago, I was washing the dishes when I heard something new and looked up, To my great surprise and excitement, I saw my baby girl crawling towards me! I was so proud and relieved, because now she can get where she wants to be by herself, right? I was dead wrong. The more mobility she gained, the more I   had to run around and rescue everything from her curious hands. Yes, ever since my little girl started to move, my house has turned into a crazy place!

Lately, she has been extra clumsy on her feet, though. I started noticing it this weekend when we went to visit some family. She would run and then just, suddenly and for no reason, end up falling and crying and crying. I don't know why this is happening to her, but I suspect that maybe it is because of a growth spurt, because she is really growing fast these days.

Last night we were playing a bit while waiting for dinner. She was super cute, dancing and joking around and then, out of no where, she stumbled down again. I could see that this time it was exceptionally painful and rushed to her rescue. After the crying stopped and she appeared to be calmed down a bit, I tried to put her down for a while, because dinner needed some attendance, but she simply wouldn't let go of me. With her little legs around my waist and her arms around my neck, she started clinging onto me like a scared little monkey.

So it finally started to dawn on me: she is afraid to try walking again. She's scared of falling. I felt so sorry for her and decided to be patient and keep her on my hip for a while. In the back of my head I was panicking. What if this is more permanent? What if she doesn't want to walk again AT ALL? I started brainstorming ideas to get her confidence back up, but nothing seemed to be working. So I have decided to give it a rest and started to dish up dinner (still with her on my hip). Luckily there is nothing like dinner to get her to forget about her fears and by the end of it, she was running around once more.

This made me think: Isn't this something that happens to all of us on a daily basis (figuratively speaking)? Who doesn't fall down in other, different ways? Sometimes it can be really scary to get back up. So I have got a feeling that my daughter has learned more from her painful experience than the mere fact that she can't quit walking. I think this was a lesson for her to be brave and never give up.

The Real Me

So, I finally did it: I took the time to sit down and write my own blog and this is the posting where I will take the time to tell everyone exactly who I am. About one year and nine months ago, with the birth of my daughter, my true identity has turned out to be quite blurry. At first, everyone (me included) blamed this change in my personality on the absolute non-existence of my beauty sleep, but as I gradually caught up with some of the lost sleep, it became crystal clear that this is a more permanent change brought on by motherhood.  

I used to be the quiet one, the one who would let people walk all over her and when I disagreed with things being said, I would simply keep my opinions to myself. Suddenly, much to the surprise of my friends and family, all of this have changed ever since the moment that my little girl took her first breath. I am the lioness and I call her my "welpie" (Afrikaans word for "cub", my first language). I will protect her with the same strength that this queen mammal from our African continent protects her cub and I will prepare her to be independent in this world to the best of my abilities.

It doesn't matter what other people say and how much they try to dictate to me on how I should be raising my child, I will do things my way. Every decision I make concerning her, is a well calculated one. I didn't have any experience with babies when my daughter was born. Sometimes I joke and say that the internet is raising my child. I am like a sponge. I absorb all the information I can get my hands on and then decide on the route that I feel most comfortable with.

This is exactly how I believe it should be. Mothers should have the freedom to choose how they want to raise their babies. It doesn't matter what other people think, no mother should be forced to follow any advise when she doesn't feel comfortable with it. No matter what anyone says, I believe that a mother always knows best, as long as she follows her heart and her own instincts. After all, no one will ever love your baby as much as you do.

Be yourself, be fabulous and dare to go upstream.